Bruised Tomatoes

It's been a really long time since I have done this.
This whole... "writing thing"...

When I was younger, I used to write ALL THE TIME. My mind couldn't stop coming up with things to write about... I had so much I wanted to say... so much I wanted to share. I thought everything I had to say was significant, meaningful, and good.

However, somewhere along the way in my adolescence... I was hurt by a couple of very close friends. This isn't unusual at all.. actually it's quite normal for a young teenager. I am sure anyone can agree to this. Your emotions are high and never the same from one minute to the next... everything hits you hard (whether good or bad)... and your heart is completely vulnerable because you think the world is all sunshine and teddy bears.
Once I realized that the world was in fact NOT sunshine and teddy bears, I decided that my voice was no longer worthy. I mean, I have written a FEW things here and there... but not nearly as much as I did before I was hurt. I never realized how deeply my heart was hurt when all of that stuff went down.

And that's because I didn't deal with it... but I'm dealing with it now.

I miss writing. A lot. And even though it takes an insane amount of vulnerability for me, I am willing to step out and try again. This is a lot like a scene in a play where you have a huge monologue to perform and the only one out there is you. It's really exciting because for a few moments... everyone is focused on YOU. But it's also really really scary because you have to be vulnerable... you have to be exposed... and most of the time the audience is not going to throw grace at you when you forget your lines. They are already gripping their tomatoes just waiting for you to slip up.
But despite the bruised tomatoes...  there is grace. Not grace from the audience of course, but grace from the One who put us on stage in the first place. This is a truth I am learning every day.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

This verse gets me every time. It continually reminds me that it's not about us or what we do or what we wish we could do... it is about God and His incredible grace. When we go through trials that we literally cannot handle on our own strength... that is when we realize that He is strong enough. That's why I am starting this blog. I was not an english major... I haven't been writing for a while so I am a little rusty... and you are going to find several mistakes if you choose to read what I write. These mistakes could be evident in grammar or about what I had for breakfast this morning.

But you know what? I am done taking the hurt from the tomatoes... I am finished allowing my hurt to get in the way of His unending grace because His grace is so much bigger than that. I want to write... I want to sing... I want to create art for His glory. Yeah, it isn't perfect... but His grace is what makes it all beautiful in the first place.

That's my first rant of the day... I didn't expect it to have anything to do with tomatoes... but life surprises you like that sometimes. ;)