Life On Your Knees

These days, there are so many times when I look around and think, “Is this really my life right now?”

I was talking about it with my mom earlier this morning.

You see, I am naturally a planner. Not really in the detailed sense of the word, though. Honestly you probably wouldn't think I am a planner by the way my room looks right now. I tend to be one of the most disorganized planners out of them all.

Despite this, I am the type of planner that likes to know what my future holds so that I can get psyched up for it. I like to prepare not just with tasks... but mentally... emotionally... spiritually... any way that I possibly can so my heart is prepared in the best way possible.

This can be exemplified in big things in my life... such as graduation. (I have been emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically been preparing for that for FOUR years). Or it can be in little things... like going to a movie with friends tonight. I just like to look forward to things.

But there are just some things you can't prepare for... whether those situations are good or bad. There are some things in life that no matter how much you plan.. no matter how much you psych yourself up... the future might not be what you think.

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” Proverbs 27:1

That verse literally makes my stomach ache sometimes. I know it does, because when my professor, Dr. Lilite, became very well acquainted with this verse... he made it a habit to say phrases like, “We will meet again, God willing.” Every time he said something along those lines... it made me feel uncomfortable for him and for myself. Why choose to look at life with uncertainty when we can pretend it will all happen the way we want it to? I couldn't really understand his perspective until I learned it for myself.

Well, I have now learned the truth of this verse. If there is nothing else I have learned these past couple of months, it's that within two seconds... your life can change completely without warning.

You cannot change it.

You have no say.

You have no time to prepare emotionally... mentally... and yes, even spiritually.

You are left speechless.

You are rendered useless other than to live life on your knees.

...And that is beautiful.

I think we can see it in times when my OBU family and I lost Dr. Todd. We see it in times of turmoil in the middle east. We see it when an orphan cries, a widow is alone, a beggar's stomach rumbles, a rebellious son realizes his sin, a lost soul is painfully aware of the emptiness in her heart.

I've discovered that it's a beautiful thing to live life on your knees instead of in a planner. It's in these times that the grace of God shines through the brightest. That is when He redeems. That is when we see Him... feel Him... remember Him and say “Oh yes Jesus... you are all we need.”

So, I praise the God of our tomorrows. I praise His goodness in not giving us any say of what will happen... because if we had our say... there would be no grace, redemption, or glory to His name.

So dear one, live life on your knees, and live it to the fullest.