Opening Hands

She gripped tightly to the cold ground. The earth shook beneath her knees. She cried bitterly and could not look to the sky. Everything crumbled around her. A gentle voice from the heavens called her, wooed her, beckoned her to open her hands, “Darling, let go.”

But the earth was all she had ever known. What else was she to do? The earth had been cruel, ugly, dark... but she had nothing else. She gripped even harder.

Again, she heard the words, “Darling, let go.”

Memories of this earth flooded her mind. This place provided her nothing but pain and unfathomable loss. What had she gained from clutching it so tightly? She had given the earth all of her love when in return all she received was grief.

“Darling, let go.”

When she opened her eyes her salty tears fell to the broken ground. Breathing deeply, she slowly opened her hands. The earth crumbled. She knew it would.

But what she didn't know was that she had wings.



"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

little things

you can't take away pain... but the little things help.

the smell of rain. 

the taste of a roasted s'more. 

a laughter that is born after weeks of tears. 

a warm smile from a friend. 

the strum of a guitar. 

breathing in the chlorophyll of fall. 

quiet starry nights. 

a chumpkin (chai with pumpkin) latte. 

antique shops. 

sunrises. 

hugs. 

a little goes a long way.  

Do Not Guard Your Love

We have all heard that saying, "Guard your heart." It isn't just a saying of course. This verse is from Proverbs 4:23. All my life I have heard this verse used in the context of purity studies, sermons, and many deep conversations with close friends. While I feel that this verse is incredibly important and true, I also think it is tempting to take it out of context.

Oh yes, we need to guard our hearts. There is an enemy out there waiting to take our hearts for his own benefit. We always need to strive for the word of God and pursue a holy life to glorify Him instead of the enemy. We continually need to examine ourselves to be sure we are following after Him with everything we have:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!"
Psalm 139:23-24

When I said that we want to take it out of context, I meant that we tend to associate this verse with loving another person. We want to change the phrase "guard your heart" to "guard your love." We tend to be careful with the people we choose to love. We want to be sure that they will give us back the same love we give them because we believe our hearts deserve that. We know it hurts to have a broken heart so we are choosy with what we give and to whom we give it to.

Can I just say something? I don't think the phrase "guard your heart" refers to how you should love another person. Jesus should be enough of an example for that:

"But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5-6

Does this look like Jesus was guarding his love to you? Of course not. He humbled himself by coming to the earth as a baby, eating with sinners, crying with those who mourned, and experiencing death in the most gruesome way for us.

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

He willingly gave his life... his heart... to us.
And every time we reject Him, His forgiveness still abounds when we repent.

This Love is scary. This Love is reckless. This Love is risky. This Love is not about you.

This Love never fails. 

So even though this is an incredibly hard thing to do... choose to love everyone around you even if they never love you back. Choose to forgive even though they have done the unthinkable. Choose to tear down the walls of self righteousness and fear. Choose to love like Jesus did. 

Rest assured that Christ's love is stronger than any rejection or hurt you will face in this world. 

I have learned this first hand. I have found it to be true. 

I will always strive to choose love because He loves me. 

Blank Pages

It's happening again. The blank page. Just unashamedly sitting there. Staring at me.
This is why I stopped writing. The empty page was too much for me to handle.

But no more.

If I have to write nonsense just to get past my own fears, doubts, and insecurities... then I am going to do it because I want to write. I can't let this get in the way anymore.

I think writing for me has become symbolic of the season in my life right now. It's as if my future is a blank page... or my relationships are a blank page. If I am being honest, it's a really scary thought sometimes.

I have a choice with the blank pages in my life... I can either run from them or choose the unthinkable, the vulnerable and the bold decision to write. It's not always easy. Sometimes the battle is only with myself and other times those bruised tomatoes are thrown at me again. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my first post).

This time I'm referring to the battle with myself.
The battle in my own mind.
The times when my mind tells me I am ugly, boring, dirty, used, worthless and have nothing left to give.
The times when it feels like the blank page would only be ruined by my words.

Praise God, I see now that those are all lies.
He calls me beautiful, interesting, washed clean, new, worthy, and greatly treasured. Despite what I tell myself... He has already called me His daughter.

My blank pages are already covered with the precious blood of the Lamb.

"Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony..." Revelation 12:10-11



And so are yours.

Self Fulfilling Prophecy

Self fulfilling prophecy. 

Have you ever heard of this? It is a phrase I know well. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term here is a definition by the American sociologist, Robert Merton: 

"A false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true." 

Or in every day words... You freak out about something happening and then you actually believe it's happening (when it probably isn't or wouldn't have if you didn't freak out). 

For example: I cut my finger on a metal trashcan the other day and almost left work because I was afraid of getting tetanus. In spite of my anxiety, I decided to stay at work until my shift ended. For a couple of hours, I battled with my mind as I was paying attention to every...single... feeling in my finger. "Am I starting to stiffen up? Is this what getting tetanus is like?!?!" 

 

You laugh.. but this is really how my mind works sometimes. It's exhausting, I know. 

Then.. my mom looked at the "cut" later (which I believed was pretty deep)... and it turned out to be more of an intense scrape. 

...Okay... maybe intense is still using hyperbole. But come on, give me some slack here I thought I was dying!

So we put some hydrogen peroxide and some triple antibiotic on that baby and voila! My finger is almost back to normal today and I'm not dead. 

But for a couple of hours I entertained all of the worst possible scenarios this could turn into and practically convinced myself I was going to die. 

I made an unlikely situation come true in my head... even though it wasn't true in real life. 

Self fulfilling prophecy, my friends. It's a problem. I also believe it's one of Satan's easiest tactics to get us to stop focusing on Jesus. 

If you think the world is going to end because there was an earthquake in Oklahoma... then yes, the world is ending today according to your definition. If you think you are getting cancer because when you move a certain way it hurts... then yes, today you have cancer. If you think everyone hates you because you think you have a weird laugh... then yes, everyone hates you. 

See the pattern? Whether or not the world is ending, you are getting cancer, or if people hate you because of your weird laugh... you believe it... so it's true to YOU. 

Think of Peter when he looked at the storm around him as he walked on water toward Jesus... he was doing SO GREAT... but then he started wondering, "What would happen if Jesus wasn't enough? What would happen if this storm was bigger than Him?" 

...And that's when he started to sink.

He sunk because he believed he would. He put his expectation and his faith in himself rather than expecting Jesus to be enough. 

Self fulfilling prophecy. It's powerful stuff. 

But what would happen if our self fulfilling prophecies were different? What if they were positive instead of negative? What if we woke up every morning expecting God to do amazing things instead of waiting for the world to fall apart? 

Our world would look completely different. 

Expectant hearts change everything. If you expect the world to change for the worse... then it will because you are not convicted to do anything about it. If you expect the world will change for Christ... then you will be all the more motivated to change it for His glory. 

It is because of expectant hearts that I saw souls saved this week at the revival in my church. 

It's faith in Jesus. 

Faith, hope, and love. 

That being said, if you believe you are a lost cause... if you believe you cannot be forgiven... if you believe you are unworthy, ugly, broken, bruised, beyond saving... 

Then you will be. 

Self fulfilling prophecy. 

Choose faith in Jesus, and you will no longer be bound by yourself! 

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, 

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

He will not always chide,

nor will he keep his anger forever.

He does not deal with us according to our sins,

nor repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us."

Psalm 103:8-12

The Girl Who Lost Her Voice

There once was a girl who lost her voice. 
She used to sing about light and sound... yet light slowly turned dark and sound was no longer heard. 
She used to sing of her past and her future... yet her past nearly killed her and her future was nowhere in sight. 
She used to sing for those who loved and cared for her... yet their love was conditional and not love at all. 
She used to sing for her passions and dreams... yet they did not satisfy and did not come true. 

Her voice was taken away by everything she sang for in the first place. 

She was crushed.
Broken.
Left with nothing. 

But then she looked to the heavens... 
...and remembered the One who gave her that voice. 

Tears slipped down her cheeks and she fell to the ground. 

Her lips parted... 

and out came the most beautiful sound that caused mountains to crumble. 


At last, she had found her true voice.